I'm Sorry - What Did You Say?
Show up unapologetically.
A mantra of intended empowerment, this phrase encourages you to be yourself in any space. It’s simple, it’s direct, and it emboldens you to fearlessly claim your identity.
What it doesn’t do is explain why you’ve been apologizing every time before now.
To show up un-apologetically implies that it has been ingrained in you to tip-toe into a room, feeling guilty for taking up space, for taking a seat at the table, for showing up at all.
Think of the last time you spoke your opinion, unsure of how it would be received. It could have been at work, at the restaurant surrounded by friends, or at the last family dinner.
Even if you didn’t voice it out loud, you were sorry for speaking up, sorry for being so opinionated. Maybe you even felt sorry for calling attention to yourself with the very sound of your voice or the outfit that dared to draw attention to your body.
Can you hear that internal self-doubt mumbling meekly in your mind?
“I’m sorry for saying/doing this one thing I felt was important to say/do. It’s probably not that important, or someone else has said something better.”
“I’m sorry for taking time to look and feel good about myself in my favorite dress. This was too much time and attention to spend.”
And why is it that it’s your instinct to apologize? Because you are trained to believe your thoughts, opinions, and actions hold less value or importance, especially if they might contradict with someone else’s. You are trained to doubt yourself and defer to someone else’s advice first.
Trusting your own judgment and intuition is something that should come so very naturally; and yet it is a muscle that has all but atrophied with every “be nice”, “be quiet”, “be good” that inundated you since you were a little girl.
You’ve even been taught to accept that to be all of those things means being less of yourself and more of what others ask of you. To be more of yourself means a deviation from the status quo and, therefore, you better have a heaping portion of “I’m Sorry” hot and ready to serve up!
Speak unapologetically.
Take action unapologetically.
Claim your space unapologetically.
Let’s remove the framework of assessing whether or not your actions or words should be filtered through an I’m-Sorry-Meter before putting them into motion.
Own your voice, claim your space, stand in your truth and your power with the absolute understanding that all of the following are true:
You owe no one else an explanation
You seek no one else’s permission
You require no one else’s validation
And last but not least, an apology for living these truths should never be necessary.
I invite you to counter that internal voice the next time it makes you feel like apologizing for being.
When the voice says, “I’m sorry I spoke up,” respond back to yourself with, “My voice is important and it deserves this chance to be heard.” Over time you can replace every apology with a self-validation or affirmation instead!
A mind full of gratitude and confidence is a much more pleasant place to be than one full of doubt and penance.
Once you find that place, make yourself comfortable: You’re not going anywhere, and you’re not sorry about it!